In the beginning of time, in the land before time, there was a cow. This cow sat on a hill in Sweden nibbling on the luscious grass that grew all around her. This wasn’t any ordinary cow however; this was the first cow that would tower in history above all the other cows to come.

        One fateful day, this cow saw a star rise up in the sky. The longer she looked at this star, the more her stomach began to hurt. The cow decided to begin an epic journey to mind this star that hurt her. When the how finally was getting close to the star, the star had stopped and hovered over a bucket. The cow approached the bucket cautiously and three wise farmers approached the cow. She explained to them that her stomach was hurting, and they began to ponder as to how to relieve her. They came to the idea and set about beginning the process- the process that would lead to the making of a holy idol for generations to come, Cheesus.

        Cheesus was raised to be a respected food and went on in his life, to inspire many cheesy prophets such as Guddha, Swiss, Brie, Blue and Mohamzzarella.

        Later, after Cheesus passed on, there was an offering made in honour of Cheesus, it was squishy and coloured, but still delicious- processed cheese. I myself discovered Cheesus while talking to my friend and my mother online. In a flash of genius I realised that Cheesus was always with us in spirit. We may not all be able to tolerate his smell or particular flavour, but he guides us in all our daily cheesy activities. While we eat cheese buns, smear cheese whiz on toast, or simply eat cheesecake, he is with us. He has always been an inspiration and role model, but he is also a legendary idol. All hail to his holiness and as you age may your flavour increase.